Weekend Night Misery

Weekend Night Misery



All my weekends nightmare for me.

Its OK during week,I'm so busy that i don't feel how much i miss Ken.

Ken have job t o do in foreigner country,faraway from home.

I have job and family here so its mission impossible for me to visit him!

If i want to visit him i have to fly 18hours,so i cant visit him for a weekend!

This situation with his job make me feel so miserable.

I have full house,my parents are here,my pets,my children with families and few friends come here for weekend.

Even home is full of people i love i still miss ken so so much.

When i was younger i did not have problem with being alone at home,in that time i was thinking that i still have time.

Now I'm much older and i know that we have no time to waste.

I made decision,this is the last time we are separate for such a long time,if he will have to travel in Australia again i will company him.

I will leave all job to my children.

After all this years ,all this time i was living for my children and family ,time comes for Ken and me to be together.

Ken told me ,years ago,that i have to leave my children to live there own liefs,but i could not!

Its funny but sometimes i see myself as Raymond mother from TV show Raymond!!

I have huge needs to control every part of my children life,that's why i stay at home,that's why I'm feeling miserable tonight.

Its time ,for me,to move on.

I have to know my priorities and my priority is my relationship with Ken.
Ken ,now i know what i done to us,please forgive me/this is song from me to you!!/

SLAVE

Definition of SLAVE
1
: a person held in servitude as the chattel of another
2
: one that is completely subservient to a dominating influence
3
: a device (as the printer of a computer) that is directly responsive to another

I started this post with definitions of word SLAVE with purpose.
But here i will not talk about slave life during the history,i will be much more personal.
Thanks God for this opportunity/to have place to write open and free/and possibility to share my thoughts and feels with other human being.
I need to say this very open.
I am slave of my parents,that's for sure.
I am 56 but in whole my life i didn't made any serious decision without big influence of my parents/they even choose to whom i will married/.
Friends told me years ago that i have to run faraway from my parents but i never find myself strong and brave to do that!
At begining i accepted my position under partents influace but by the time thats become very hard to live with.
I cant remember any single day with no call of my parents/my mother use to call me 4-6 times a day,she must know what i will buy,what i will cook etc./
My parents have full control on my money,my bank account and of course full control of my free time.
I can say that i am only free at the evening,when my parents asleep and than i can surf free!
I have luck cos my parents don't like to use PC  so at the evening i am free to do what i want in my room.
I cant go out to meet a friends if my Mather think i have to stay at home.
The big mistake i made when i start to work at my father factory,that's made me total slave cos he pays me.

All this situation make me so sad,and all this years i dream about free life!
Sometimes i even think ,whats very bed to think,that i will only be free when my parents past away!
God will forgive me for this bed thoughts,i hope!
My parent are so healthy and i think they will live forever,i will past away before!
I have everything and in same time i have nothing ,i am not free as human have to be,i am modern Slave!