Sunday, November 29, 2009

Stuff and Nonsense | Religious Sex

Stuff and Nonsense | Religious Sex: "Many particularly pious people in a few religions proclaim that you should have sex only for the purpose of procreation. (Damn! I wish Peter Piper was a particularly pious person so I could carry the alliteration farther. And if a pickle was a euphemism for something else I could really run with it.)

Furthermore, according to the pious people, you should have sex only when you are married and with only the person you are married to. Sex under any other conditions is, they say, sinful.

So here’s my question: In the exceptionally unlikely event that there is a god and if he, she or it really does want us to restrict sex to procreation purposes, why did he, she or it make it so enjoyable?

Don’t you think a god who wanted to impose those restrictions on sex would make it extremely unpleasant? Really. What does he, she or it get out of making it feel so great? Does he, she or it thrive on the ego boost that comes from hearing his, her or its name screamed out when people climax? I don’t think so. This is supposed to be a god we’re talking about.

After making sex exceptionally unappealing, god could give his, her or its followers an order such as, oh, I don’t know, maybe something along the lines of, “Be fruitful and multiply.” It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Because they were believers, the faithful would obey even though they didn’t enjoy it. But, because they found it repulsive, they would do it only for the purposes of procreation; only because he, she or it commanded them to do so.

This would also be an perfect way to purify and proliferate the religion.

Think about it. Nonbelievers wouldn’t have sex because they’d hated it. The faithful, on the other hand, despite finding it very unpleasant, would be screwing their brains out, trying to manufacture as many babies as possible in order to fulfill the “be fruitful and multiply” command.

In this way, the believers would, well, multiply, but the other religions and atheists wouldn’t last more than one generation.

It sounds like a Grand Plan to me. You folks better hope that my job application gets turned down because if I get the position of god that’s definitely the way I’m going to run things."

Kissesssssssss

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